Tag Archives: 5 SWORDS

Dr Who’s Companions and the SWORD AWARDS

NOTE – First up is my PRE-SEASON FINALE POST which wasn’t finished before Sunday night. There’s a POST SEASON FINALE follow up!

Firstly, the fact that the women on Dr Who are all companions and that Dr Who has never been a woman for all of his vaunted alien regenerative body shifting abilities automatically disqualifies ANY of them from getting 4 SWORDS.

If Dr Who becomes a woman though, she’s a fair chance at 4 or even 5 SWORDS of AWESOME WOMAN WARRIORNESS!

Secondly, Billie Piper with a gun bigger than her entire torso. PUHLEASE! She is so 1 SWORD of awkward. She is BIG CAR LITTLE DICK!

Now, some other companions have been more Emma Peel and less Agent 99, but I’m still waiting for serious SWORDS! There are a bucket load of companions on wikipedia and I’m going to enjoy revisiting old episodes in my new quest to rate the companions.

For now:

River Song: 3 SWORDS – only we don’t really know if you’re a companion yet.
Sarah Jane Smith: 3 SWORDS – for sheer persistence and fun.
Sara Kingdom: 3 SWORDS – only you got killed off straightaway – such is the fate of many of the strong women companions it seems!

Donna Noble: 2 SWORDS – when you’re good, you’re great but you’re such a temp warrior.
Martha Jones: 2 SWORDS – you were a bit whiny to start but the uniform suits you.

Astrid Peth: 1 SWORD – worth a mention even if only a canary sized mini companion.
Rose Tyler: 1 SWORD – as said above, you are a bit BCLD !

All I can say though, is thank heavens for the taboo against kissing in the tardis!

The Sword Award for Awesome Woman Warriors

ONE SWORD AWARD – pretty pathetic really but you are at least trying. You are a foot soldier in the feminist ranks. A good follower but ultimately cannon fodder.

TWO SWORD AWARD – you will die trying. You are a sergeant at arms in the struggle. You might even have a better idea of the issues than those in command but no one’s listening. You might also be completely misguided but you are making the effort.

THREE SWORD AWARD – Master (or Mistress) and Commander. You are leading us into battle in your area of excellence.

FOUR SWORD AWARD – kick ass extreme awesomeness. You are Feminist Fists of Fury. You are often ahead of your time and under appreciated. But we love you. You are four swords of awesome woman warrior!

FIVE SWORD AWARD – this is nirvana. You are SuperMummy, WonderWoman, Eve, Lilith, Germaine and Madonna. YOU ARE UBERWOMAN! You are everything Feminist. As that includes many contradictions, upon attaining this level of awesomeness you will instantly transport to another dimension leaving a black hole the size of Switzerland behind.

I continually revise my opinion of how many swords someone is worth, so keep checking! Comment!